Build-Your-Own Revolutionary Kit: The Healing Golden Tear From an Angel

golden tearA revolutionary never knows what he or she or RuPaul will encounter. Will the days be filled with frivolity and mirth? Or will they be filled with death and destruction and some kind of mystery fruit-filling? Nobody knows what the future holds – and the soothsayers charge a $3.99 a minute – which is why you, the revolutionary, must always be prepared. This is why you need a Healing Golden Tear From an Angel in your build-your-own revolutionary kit.

Now sure, technically a Healing Golden Tear From an Angel is “mythical” and “doesn’t exist.” In fact, some may go as far as to say “the idea of a Golden Tear From an Angel is absolutely ridiculous,” and “now if you’ll excuse, I need to leave on my unicorn.” Regardless of these ‘opinions’ (or ‘facts,’ as they’re called in the scientific community) regarding the Healing Golden Tear’s existence, it will undoubtedly become one of the most cherished items in your revolutionary kit, due to its healing abilities.

It is well known that Malcom X, after being assassinated in 1965, came back to life only a few years later and invented the X-ray, discovered the X chromosome in genetics, and created the Fox hit The X-Files. But what many don’t realize though is that it was the Healing Golden Tear From an Angel that brought him back to life. Such life-resurrecting powers have also been granted to Che Guevara, Mao Zedong, and Simon Bolivar. It was also suggested that Walt Disney be brought back to life, but Disney board members decided against this, due to the fact that his frozen head look so peaceful just sitting there in the jar.

If you plan on becoming a revolutionary, you will eventually become hurt. And if you plan on healing your wounds – and gaining immortality – you will be wise to add a Healing Golden Tear From an Angel to your build-your-own revolutionary kit.

(Have you reserved your copy of Reservations for Fun and Profit yet?)

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