Build Your Own Revolutionary Kit: Birth Control

birth controlThe next item you will want to add to the build-your-own revolutionary kit is birth control. Now I recognize that for those of you who might happen be Pope Benedict XVI, the idea of adding ‘birth control’ to your revolutionary kit is a controversial one indeed. Nevertheless, there is a time and a place for all things, and a revolution – much like a roller coaster or the home of the Ocotmom – is no place for a pregnant woman.

But what if you already have children – can you still be a revolutionary? The short answer of course, is “no.” The long answer, is “no, unless you hire a babysitter.” With all the chanting, sign waving, and violence-promoting going on at your revolution, a baby easily become hurt or, even worse, confused. And what about pregnant women? Everyone knows that a pregnant woman’s sense of smell is heightened during the pregnancy. Can you imagine the olfactory overload a pregnant woman would go into while stopping by her neighborhood revolution? While it may be true that there are as many variations of revolutions as there are stars in the sky, the one thing all revolutions have in common is they all have bad smells.

And if I was pressed to find a second thing that all revolutions have in common? I probably couldn’t.

So while preparing your build-your-own revolutionary kit, be sure to include birth control. You can never be too prepared. Unless you live in a bunker, surrounded by canned spinach and a worn copy of the Left Behind: The Movie, waiting out the annihilation of the world in the year 2012.

But aside from that, you can never be too prepared.

(Have you ordered your copy of Revolutions for Fun and Profit yet?)


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