Revolutionaries You Should Avoid: Milli Vanilli

Milli VanilliWhere would the world be without such life-changing gems as “Girl You Know It’s True” and “Blame It On the Rain?” Odds are, the world would be in the bottom of a pit, gasping for air. Or worse, dead. Or even worse, in bed with the swine flu. That’s how important these two totally authentic and absolutely legitimate songs are. But c’mon, these songs can’t be that important, right? Let me get one thing straight: this blog may tolerate a wide variety of people (jews, mexicans, gays, Susanne Sommers) — but one thing this blog does NOT tolerate is hyperbole.

And what Greek god-like musical group do we have to thank for these gift-like songs? None other than Milli Vanilli (although I also would have accepted ‘Zeus’ as an answer).

A groundbreaking musical duo, Milli Vanilli completely revolutionized the process known as ‘lip-syncing’ and ‘Grammy-losing’ for future musical acts. Were it not for them, the careers of later artists such as Ashley Simpson and George W. Bush would not have have been possible. Unfortunately for Milli Vanilli, their lip-syncing was not accepted, due to the fact that the public, critics, the media, politicians, celebrities, musicians, children, dogs, chickens, your old babysitter, and even people we’ve never met but still somehow exist, all thought that Milli Vanilli’s ‘performace art’ was actually ‘lying’ and ‘not actually performance art.’ Thus the rocketship-like trajectory of Milli Vanilli was short lived, as it was interrupted by their Challenger-like fall from grace.

Or more accurately, an explosion from grace. (Note: jokes about the Challenger explosion are insensitive and not funny)

Although Milli Vanilli has changed the way many artists performed, they should still be avoided at all costs. The most important reason, is that half of the duo – Rob Pilatus – is dead. Nobody enjoys hanging out with corpses anyway, with the rare exception of necrophiliacs. And you know what necrophiliacs are against? Cremation. The point is, avoid Milli Vanilli at every opportunity you are (and are not) offered. And should you find yourself one day on a public bus with Fab Morvan, the living half of Milli Vanilli? Be sure to blame it on the rain.

Just kidding. Blame the swine flu.

(Have you ordered your copy of Revolutions for Fun and Profit yet?)


One Response to “Revolutionaries You Should Avoid: Milli Vanilli”

  1. […] Revolutionaries You Should Avoid: Milli Vanilli « Revolutions for … […]

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