Revolutionary Word Arnold Schwarzenegger Can’t Pronounce of the Week: “Porsche”

ArnoldBefore I get any further, I would like to make one thing clear: I am definitely not, whatsoever, making fun of the way Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks. Rather, I am making fun of the way he pronounces words, such as “porsche” and “Schwarzenegger.” There is a world of a difference between making fun of the way someone speaks and making fun of the way they pronounce words. And how large is that difference? Hint: it’s the size of the world (which coincidentally, is quite large).

Did you know that there are a lot of words which Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot and can and mostly cannot pronounce? Fact. This is primarily due to the fact that 87% of his vocabulary consists of consonants, 49% of his vocabulary consists of flem, and 23% of his vocabulary consists of steroids (it stays in your system for a very long time). Now you may have noticed that 87% + 49% + 23% adds up to much more than 100%. Why is this, you ask? Simple: Arnold Schwarzenegger is bad at both speaking and math. Fact.

Despite his speaking challenges, the one advantage that Schwarzenegger has over many of his contemporaries, or “comtpemphersheryqxszyteBLERGH!!”, is the rather high revolutionary level of his vocabulary, which is a 8.7. Take for example, the word “porsche.” Where most people would be content to simply pronounce the word as “porsche,” Schwarzenegger goes above and beyond, with such variations as “purghszie,” “pozfthzmilis,” and “aaauurrrgggghhppffftttt.”

Why is it about his pronunciation of “porsche” that makes his vocabulary so revolutionary? Wars, battles and revolts are always lead by people with funny accents and funny names. Consider: William Wallace. Che Guevara. Ho Chi Minh. Josef Stalinneerrgghghg. Ever heard of a revolution lead by someone with a proper British accent? Hint: No.

So the next time you make fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger, remember that his vocabulary is much more revolutionary than your vocabularyqxszyteBLERGH.

(Have you ordered your copy of Revolutions for Fun and Profit yet?)

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