Tonight, You Will Become Revolutionaries
Today is the big day. No, not Yom Kippur – that was a few weeks ago. The big day I’m referring to is THE DAY OF MY BOOK RELEASE. THE MOST REVOLUTIONARY BOOK YOU WILL EVER READ. Probably.
Tonight you will receive the only guidebook that will tell you HOW to start a revolution, WHY to start a revolution, WHERE to start your revolution (hint: Bed, Bath & Beyond) and WHEN to start your revolution (hint: Yom Kippur).
Seeing as how the book release is only hours away, I will unfortunately have to make this blog entry very short (just like Gary Coleman!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!! How revolutionary!!!!). I still have a lot of preparations for tonight. There is wine to buy, food to prepare, boxes of books to unpack, and enemies’ blood to spill. But do not worry! I’ll be sure to not mix my enemies’ blood with the wine or food.
After all, I respect OSHA standards. I’m not an animal.
It’s time for you to get ready as well. Dust off your sabers, put on your pants, and take your weekly shower, comrades! TONIGHT YOU WILL BECOME A REVOLUTIONARY.