Last Minute Revolutionary Halloween Tips

Fellow revolutionaries,

Are you ready for Halloween? You better be, because it’s right around the corner! Not only is it right around the corner, but it’s waiting for you… with a baseball bat. Did I just compare Halloween to a mugger? YES I DID.

Ideally, the modern revolutionary would have finished his or her preparations for this year’s Halloween sometime around July. To be specific, July 1993. This is a big holiday for revolutionaries, because it’s one of the few holidays where recruiting for your political revolution – while dressed like a slutty cat – is not only legal, but encouraged.

Have you failed to prepare for Halloween, because you’re the type of revolutionary who waits until the last minute to procrastinate? Fear not, for here are a few tips to help the modern revolutionary prepare for Halloween when he or she has a lot of guillotines but little time.

  • REVOLUTIONARY HALLOWEEN TIP: Want to feed poisioned Halloween candy to your political enemies, but don’t have the time to make the poisoned candy yourself? Buy your candy at Wal-Mart. Most of their candy is lead-based, because it comes from China. You don’t even have to take it out of the packaging!
  • REVOLUTIONARY HALLOWEEN TIP: Need a last-minute costume, but disappointed that all the Che Guevara and Transformers masks are out of stock? Simply put on a diaper and tell people you’re Mahatma Ghandi. It also helps if you don’t eat for the entire day before your Halloween party.
  • REVOLUTIONARY HALLOWEEN TIP: Looking for some ghosts to transform your regular house into a haunted house for your revolutionary Halloween party? Invite as many celebrities as possible. There is a 84% chance that any given celebrity will die at a party, thus automatically making your house haunted.

Check back later for more last minute revolutionary Halloween tips!

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One Response to “Last Minute Revolutionary Halloween Tips”

  1. […] Revolutions for Fun and Profit « Last Minute Revolutionary Halloween Tips […]

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