The Onion Is Not Revolutionary EVEN A LITTLE BIT

The OnionThis Saturday, I’m going to see John Harris and Chad Nakers, staff writers for The Onion, speak at the Salt Lake City Library as part of the Dewey Lecture series. I’ve never met them before. But I probably hate them.

See, I’ve applied for The Onion 3 times over the past 2 years, without ever having been hired. A close friend of mine applied this summer for the first time, and she was hired immediately. Needless to say, it is my belief that The Onion is one of the funniest, most evil websites on the internet.

In fact, according to this poll I didn’t make up, 87% of all Americans believe that The Onion is stupid and a waste of time. The same poll also reported that 92% of all Americans will believe anything you tell them, as long as it includes the words “according to this poll.”

Do I plan on giving John Harris and Chad Nakers a copy of my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, when I meet them? I sure do. Do I plan on giving them a copy of my resume to be forwarded to The Onion for the FOURTH time? Absolutely not. (or maybe) (ok, sure) (yes, I definitely plan on it) (I’m a hypocrite)

If you live in Salt Lake City, and you too would like to hear a lecture by staff writers for The Onion, be sure to reserve your tickets by clicking on this link.

You’ll be glad you did.

I’ll also be glad you did, because it’s actually a link to buy my book.

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2 Responses to “The Onion Is Not Revolutionary EVEN A LITTLE BIT”

  1. I got a mention on the SINGLE MOST REVOLUTIONARY BLOG IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND! That made my day.

  2. […] As I wrote earlier in the week, John Harris and Chad Nakers, staff writers for The Onion, are speaking at the Salt Lake City Library tonight as part of the Dewey Lecture series. And as I mentioned, I am not a big fan of The Onion because they’ve rejected my application 3 times. Needless to say, tonight will be a clash of two adversaries, not unlike that time when David ran into Goliath at the malt shop and threw down the smack because they were both wearing the same poodle skirt. Geez, that sure was embarrassing! And bloody. […]

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