“Revolutions for Fun and Profit!” Declares Jihad on the AFA and Christmas

Fellow revolutionaries:

It is the policy of RevolutionsForFunAndProfit.com to not take a stance when it comes to political issues (see: section 3, paragraph 7 of the policy & procedures manual). I wrote Revolutions for Fun and Profit! to instruct aspiring revolutionaries in how to start a revolution, but it was never my intention to tell people which revolution they should or should not be starting or not starting. In this regard, my book is a lot like the Bible. The Bible tells you how you should sell your daughter into slavery, but it doesn’t tell you which daughter you should sell (hint: the overweight red-haired one).

That having been said, RevolutionsForFunAndProfit.com is officially releasing the following statement:

I am officially declaring jihad on Bill O’Reilly, the American Family Association, and, most importantly, Christmas.


Now I’m assuming that this sudden announcement has caught a lot of you both off guard and on guard. Understandably, you have a lot of questions, such as “What is a jihad?” and “Why are you declaring it on little ol’ Christmas?”

To answer your first question: I don’t know. I think I heard I heard the word “jihad” on the news or something. To answer your second question: I am declaring jihad on Christmas because you should always stand for something you believe in (unless you’re a quadriplegic).

I believe that Christmas is a great holiday. But is it revolutionary? Not really. Has Christmas ever worn a Che Guevara beret? No. Has Christmas ever deposed the head of government? No. Has Christmas ever transitioned from a theocracy to a monarchy to a democracy within the span of only 24 hours? No. Christmas is not revolutionary. And revolutionaries should only, only celebrate revolutionary holidays.

There you have it. This website WILL NOT be celebrating Christmas. Hey American Family Association, you think that The Gap is a Christmas-hating, winter solstice-loving pagan? Then you’ve obviously never heard of RevolutionsForFunAndProfit.com, who is more of a Christmas-hating, winter solstice-loving pagan than anyone else!

But seriously, American Family Association, have you never heard of RevolutionsForFunAndProfit.com?

And to those who think I am trying to get the American Family Association to boycott my book as a publicity stunt to sell more books, I say Merry Christmas you are wrong!


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