Revolutionary Products to Keep You Warm This Winter

Fellow revolutionaries:

As most of you have probably noticed, it is absolutely freezing during this time of year. In Salt Lake City, the temperature has dropped into the single digits. In fact, it’s been so cold recently that the snowman in my front yard magically came to life and killed a family of four in search of warm human flesh. I know what you’re thinking: “Again?”

Many of you plan on starting your own revolution, which is why you read this blog, as well as my book Revolutions for Fun and Profit! But how do you start a revolution during the dead of winter? It’s impossible! To date, there has only been one successful revolution waged during the month of December, which was the inspiration behind the movie Fargo.

Unfortunately, I can’t stop you if you’re determined to start a revolution in freezing weather. I can however suggest a number of revolutionary products, which may help keep you warm.

Animal Stocking On Your Head

We’ve all dealt with this problem before: we want to wear a stocking, but we also want to blend into a zoo. How do we do both? BOOM. This animal stocking on your head. Your enemies will easily be confused by this stocking. “Is that a person? Is that a kangaroo?” THEY’LL NEVER KNOW. Mission accomplished.

Clothes Pin Mask

Sometimes a traditional mask just doesn’t provide your face with the breathing support it requires, which is why this clothes pin mask makes a comparable substitute. As an added bonus, the clothes pins can be also be used to do laundry, provided you live in the 1800’s.

Bacon Coat

Now I know this coast doesn’t technically look like bacon, but do you know what else isn’t bacon? Turkey bacon. Seriously, it’s more disgusting than warm human flesh.

Good luck not freezing to death!


One Response to “Revolutionary Products to Keep You Warm This Winter”

  1. Thanks for a good laugh!!!!!

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