A Revolutionary Review of the Year 2009: December

YOU MADE IT!!! YOU REACHED THE END OF THE YEAR!!! THROUGH A DELICATE COMBINATION OF MY BLOG-POSTING AND YOUR DELICATE BLOG-READING (but let’s be honest: mostly my blog-posting), YOU AND I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY REVIEWED EVERY SINGLE MONTH OF THE YEAR 2009.

Like all years that have come before this one (exception: 1987), this year will end with the month of December.

So, after already reviewing the months of January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October and November, you can now review the most revolutionary month of them all.

Only then… will you know what it means to be a champion.

Only then… will you know what it means to be a hero.

Only then… will you know what it means to be a revolutionary.

Only then… will you know how many bowls of Frosted Sugar Loops does it take to equal the nutrients found in one bowl of Total.

The answer is four bowls. But it totally depends on the type of milk you use.

The last month in the Revolutionary Review of the Year 2009…

DECEMBER

  • President Obama announced he would send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan.
  • Then President Obama accepted the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Still not satisfied that he was the most ironic man alive, Obama grew a moustache, moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, joined an indie rock band, bought a pair of skinny jeans, and became a hipster.
  • Houston elected Annise Parker as mayor, thus making history as the largest U.S. history to elect an openly gay mayor. Parker announced that her goals as mayor were to put a Home Depot on every corner, require all women to wear plaid shirts, and to eliminate offensive stereotypes about gay people.
  • Tiger Woods announced he was taking an indefinite break from golf, to spend more time with the ladies.
  • A woman knocked over the pope during the Christmas Mass. Although to be honest, he really is too old to be walking around on stilts anyway.
  • A meteor hit the Earth, destroying all life and inhabitants, except for the cockroaches and the Wal-Marts.

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S, EVERYONE!!!! May you have a very revolutionary 2010!!!! That is, if you haven’t died. Which is very likely.

In which case, NEVER MIND!!!!

(Other months in “A Revolutionary Review of the Year 2009”)

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