Every few weeks, I like to answer your burning questions that weren’t answered (for legal reasons) in my runaway hit book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!. Most of these questions are quite easy (i.e. “What is the square root of 9?”), but some of these questions are quite difficult and take a lot of time to determine the proper answer (i.e. “What is the square root of 25?”)
“When will revolutionaries finally bring about World War III?”
Either in 2017 or 2025, whichever comes first.
“Should revolutionaries get the Rachel haircut or the Monica haircut?”
Obviously the Rachel haircut. Nobody should get the Monica haircut, including revolutionaries. Or Courtney Cox.
“What is the most revolutionary movie of all time?”
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold
“Do you believe we will ever see jetpacks in our lifetime?”
That depends. In my lifetime? Probably. In your lifetime? No.
Now with that question out of the way, do you mind drinking the contents of this mysterious bottle labeled with a skull-and-crossbones?
“What is the average age of the modern revolutionary?”
While it’s hard to pinpoint a specific age, the average revolutionary is old enough to buy cigarettes, but is still young enough to audition for American Idol, while smoking.
“How much wood would a revolutionary woodchuck chuck if a revolutionary woodchuck could chuck wood?”
I’m gonna say 7. Maybe 8 if he hasn’t had lunch yet.
“Can coupons be used in a political coup d’état?”
“Have you ever killed a man?”
If you don’t count pastry chefs, then no – I’ve never killed a man.
If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, relationships, or overthrowing the government, email me at email@example.com.