Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Using Books as Weapons

As I mentioned last week, today is National Reading Day, a day in which people across this great nation of ours decide, for one day only, to actually read Playboy for the articles. By the way, did you see last month’s issue of Playboy? There’s a great article on nuclear disarmament in the Middle East.

Although today is National Reading Day, I don’t want to talk about specific books that you should or should not be reading. Instead, I want to focus on another lesser known utilization of books:

Using Books as Weapons

There are so many different ways of using a book as a weapon, that a list of the various ways could easily fill a book. A very lethal book.

Are you starting a revolution and want to use a book as a weapon? Here are a few ideas:

  • Put a book in a blender, add anthrax, and serve it in a pumpkin pie to your guests over the holidays. Don’t forget the whip cream – you may want your political enemies dead, but you’re not an animal for crying out loud.
    (Suggested title to use: If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer, by OJ Simpson)
  • Replace every third page in a book with a knife.
    (Suggested title to use: The Bible, by God)
  • Write a book, but make the font really, really small. As your political enemy strains to see the small font, their eye sight – over a number of decades – will diminish. Once they go blind by the age of 80, you can sneak up behind them and strangle them.
    (Suggested titles to use: Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, by Ryan Shattuck)
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