Archive for the Revolutionary Answers Category

Answers to Your Revolutionary Questions, Now on Formsprings

Posted in Revolutionary Answers, Revolutionary Formsprings, Revolutionary Questions on March 18, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Fellow revolutionaries:

There are very few things I enjoy more in this world than answering questions. With the exception of edamame. I enjoy edamame more than I enjoy answering questions. But if you don’t count edamame – and why would you? – then there is nothing I enjoy more in this world than answering questions.

So I’ve set up a Formsprings account for my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!

Is there something you want to know about revolutions? Ask me on Formsprings and you’ll get your answer.

Is there something you want to know about overthrowing the government? Ask me on Formsprings and you’ll get your answer.

Is there something you want to know about relationships? Ask me on Formsprings and I’ll look up the answer on Wikipedia.

Is there something you want to know about brain surgery or rocket science? Ask me on Formsprings and I’ll consult a fortune cookie or flip a coin or something.

CLICK HERE TO ASK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY QUESTIONS ON FORMSPRINGS

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More Revolutionary Questions and Answers, 3rd Edition

Posted in Revolutionary Answers, Revolutionary City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold, Revolutionary Jetpacks, Revolutionary Pastry Chefs, Revolutionary Questions, Revolutionary The Rachel Haircut, Revolutionary Woodchucks, Revolutionary World War III on March 12, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Fellow revolutionaries:

Every few weeks, I like to answer your burning questions that weren’t answered (for legal reasons) in my runaway hit book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!. Most of these questions are quite easy (i.e. “What is the square root of 9?”), but some of these questions are quite difficult and take a lot of time to determine the proper answer (i.e. “What is the square root of 25?”)

“When will revolutionaries finally bring about World War III?”
Either in 2017 or 2025, whichever comes first.

“Should revolutionaries get the Rachel haircut or the Monica haircut?”
Obviously the Rachel haircut. Nobody should get the Monica haircut, including revolutionaries. Or Courtney Cox.

“What is the most revolutionary movie of all time?”
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold

“Do you believe we will ever see jetpacks in our lifetime?”
That depends. In my lifetime? Probably. In your lifetime? No.

Now with that question out of the way, do you mind drinking the contents of this mysterious bottle labeled with a skull-and-crossbones?

“What is the average age of the modern revolutionary?”
While it’s hard to pinpoint a specific age, the average revolutionary is old enough to buy cigarettes, but is still young enough to audition for American Idol, while smoking.

“How much wood would a revolutionary woodchuck chuck if a revolutionary woodchuck could chuck wood?”
I’m gonna say 7. Maybe 8 if he hasn’t had lunch yet.

“Can coupons be used in a political coup d’état?”
Yes.

“Have you ever killed a man?”
If you don’t count pastry chefs, then no – I’ve never killed a man.

If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, relationships, or overthrowing the government, email me at revolutionsforfunandprofit@gmail.com.

More Revolutionary Questions and Answers, 2nd Edition

Posted in Revolutionary Answers, Revolutionary Questions on February 24, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Fellow revolutionaries:

As you probably know, publishing a book is a lot like making love to an angry Swedish woman with no arms. Once it goes public, you can’t change it or undo it. Isn’t that right, Hildegard?

Although I can’t change my book Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, I can however add to it. A few weeks ago I answered your questions about revolutionary issues that weren’t covered in my book, and will answer a few more questions today. You don’t have to thank me, I just enjoy giving.

Although Hildegard would disagree. Badum ching!

“Were any revolutionaries from history vegan?”

If by “vegan” you mean “slaughter animals and eat them raw using only their hands and pure determination,” then yes – all revolutionaries from history were vegan.

“Who are some of the biggest sponsors of revolutions?”

Winchester Rifles, Concertina Barbed Wire, and not surprisingly, the Disney Channel.

“Do revolutionaries believe that the world will end in 2012?”

No. Revolutionaries believe the world ended during the Clinton administration.

“Why has Oprah never done a show on how to start a revolution?”

Good question! You should ask her yourself.

“Were revolutionaries involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy?”

Considering that I haven’t written tomorrow’s blog post yet, and also planned on seeing “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief” this weekend, and also don’t want to be killed tonight by the mafia, I’m going to answer “I don’t know.”

“How do most revolutionaries take their coffee?”

Two sugars, a dash of cream, and four shots of Johnnie Walker in a separate glass. After drinking the Johnnie Walker, pour the unused coffee down the sink.

“One of of your friends is heading north to visit his grandmother and the other friend is heading south. If their destinations are 1029 miles apart and one car is traveling at 45 miles per hour and the other car is traveling at 53 miles per hour, how many hours before the two cars pass each other?”

You know, I unfortunately don’t have my calculator with me, so I’m going to have to answer ‘Milwaukee.’

“Why does my VCR keep flashing 12:00 over and over?”

Because you live in 1987.

If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, relationships, or overthrowing the government, email me at revolutionsforfunandprofit@gmail.com.

Revolutionary Question and Answers!

Posted in Revolutionary Answers, Revolutionary Questions on February 8, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

I cover a lot of information in my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit! However, in the time that has passed since the book was published, a lot of revolutionaries have contacted me with questions that the book never addressed. From time to time I like to answer all your burning questions (have you considered putting a cream on your question?), as I realize that my book – despite being encyclopedic – isn’t perfect (unproven).

“Are there any bald revolutionaries?”

No.

“What is the most revolutionary television show of all time?”

My Mother the Car, for obvious reasons.

“Do revolutionaries believe in god?”

That entirely depends on the revolutionary’s Chinese zodiac sign. If it’s a rooster, dragon, or chicken, then they do believe in god. If it’s a pig, a horse or a rat, then they do not. If it’s a peacock, then they are prone to have a passive-aggressive personality with bursts of grandiose paranoia. If it’s a dog, then it’s likely to lick its own weiner. If it’s a girl scout, then it’s likely to sell you deliciously addictive cookies at an overinflated market price. I forgot what the question was, but yes – onions sometimes make me cry.

“Do most revolutionaries prefer sausage or bacon?”

Actually, neither one. Most revolutionaries are vegetarian, with the exception of those who eat meat.

Just kidding. They love both. In fact, its was Mahatma Gandhi who came up with the idea of the sausage bacon turkey sandwich. It goes great with a diet Coke.

“Why are some Zelda games harder than others?”

I know, right?

“Where do babies come from?”

Only once, while in college.

I mean Taiwan. They come from Taiwan.

“Are you working on a second book?”

What do I look like, Stephen King?

“Is is true that Napoleon Bonaparte never actually died, but instead discovered the secret of immortality?”

Ask him yourself. He’s a manager at Hooters in Carlsbad, California

If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, or relationships, email me at revolutionsforfunandprofit@gmail.com.