Archive for the Revolutionary Best of Utah Category

A Pit Bull? The Last Day to Nominate “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”

Posted in Revolutionary Best of Utah, Revolutionary City Weekly, Revolutionary Divorce, Revolutionary Mid-Life Crisis, Revolutionary Pit Bull on March 15, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Uh oh! It’s a pit bull dressed as a lonely middle-aged man sitting in a park, watching his life waste away before his eyes! You know what that means!

It means that it’s the last day to nominate Revolutions for Fun and Profit! for the 2010 Best Book of Utah! Please follow these instructions, because I’m getting really tired of repeating myself:

  • When you get to the part that says Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love), you will write in Best Book: “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”.

The pit bull’s name, by the way, is Howard. Please don’t bother him. He’s going through a messy divorce at the moment.

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The 11 Reasons Why “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!” Should Be the Best Book in Utah for 2010

Posted in Revolutioanry Drag Queen, Revolutionary Best of Utah, Revolutionary Best Vietnamese Restaurant, Revolutionary Bisexuality, Revolutionary City Weekly, Revolutionary Gary Coleman, Revolutionary Minimum Wage, Revolutionary Reasons on March 11, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Fellow revolutionaries:

There are only 4 more days to choose Revolutions for Fun and Profit! as the Best Book in Utah for 2010. I need… nay, I desire… nay, I really need for you to nominate my groundbreaking, revolutionary book.

To nominate my book, simply visit the City Weekly’s website for Best of Utah 2010, follow the instructions, and when you get to the part that says Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love), you will write in Best Book: “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”.

Now maybe you’re not convinced that my book deserves to be the Best Book in Utah for 2010. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be convinced (have you read the glowing reviews?!), but I’m willing to admit that you’re an independent, fence-sitting, swing-voting undecider. And just for good measure, I’m going to assume you’re also bisexual.

Do you need to be convinced that Revolutions for Fun and Profit! deserves to be the Best Book in Utah? Here are all the reasons why it should be nominated:

  • My book is a good read.
  • My book is recyclable.
  • My book will sort your recyclables for you.
  • My book was endorsed by the Dolly Lama. Which is the name of a drag queen. Who was paid fourteen bucks to endorse my book.
  • My book always wears protection.
  • My book was once bred with a labrador retriever, and it produced a labradoodle who didn’t know how to read.
  • My book can name all 5 of the Spice Girls, all 7 of the dwarfs, and all 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
  • My book is perfectly happy making minimum wage, will never ask for health benefits, and is happy just to be in this country.
  • My book thinks Jay Leno is funny when old people are in the room, and thinks Conan O’Brien is funny when normal people are in the room.
  • My book never runs with scissors, it never runs its mouth off, and a river runs through it.

And lastly:

  • Gary Coleman hasn’t written a book yet.

If those reasons won’t convince you, then I give up.

A Revolutionary Shoutout to Saintless.com

Posted in Revolutionary Ben Winslow, Revolutionary Best of Utah, Revolutionary Best Vietnamese Restaurant, Revolutionary City Weekly, Revolutionary Misty Fowler, Revolutionary Saintless.com on March 3, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

A few days ago, I wrote about City Weekly’s annual “Best of Utah” awards, and suggested that you – fellow revolutionaries – write in Revolutions for Fun and Profit! for “Best Book” in the blank that reads “Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love).”

Misty Fowler of Saintless.com (pictured here) took it one step further – and recommended my book on her blog!

Thank you, Misty. To be mentioned in the same sentence as “Ben Winslow” and “Best TV Hair” is quite an honor.

To be honest, I believe that Revolutions for Fun and Profit! should also be nominated for “Best TV Hair.” After all, my book has already locked up the “Best Vietnamese Restaurant” vote – why not go for one more award?

Make “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!” the Best Book in Utah for 2010

Posted in Revolutionary Best of Utah, Revolutionary City Weekly, Revolutionary Mountainview Mushrooms, Revolutionary Veiled Threats on March 1, 2010 by Ryan Shattuck

Fellow revolutionaries:

Every year, the Salt Lake City Weekly holds its annual “Best of Utah” awards. This is a really prestigious award – more so than In Utah This Week’s “The Sexiest of the Sexies in Salt Lake City in 2010” awards – and those who receive the award are automatically catapulted into the pantheons of American excellence. To take a seat at the metaphorical banquet table – seated among other such “Best of Utah” award winners as Mountainview Mushrooms for “Best Mile-High Fungi”, The Woodshed for “Best Cowboy Thursdays”, and Kahuna Creation’s Big Stick for “Best Extreme Innovation” – would truly be the honor of a lifetime.

Unfortunately, my book Revolutions for Fun and Profit! doesn’t qualify for “Best Mile-High Fungi” or “Best Cowboy Thursdays.” Trust me, I’ve asked. But it DOES quality for the write-in vote!

And I need your help!

1.) Go to the Salt Lake City Weekly’s “Best of Utah” awards page. Please.

2.) Click on the license plate (that’s what she said!)

3.) You’ll have to register your email address. What’s that you say, you don’t have an email address? Well guess what: that’s really weird.

4.) Click where it says “Best of Utah Readers’ Ballot 2010.” You don’t have to, but what else are you going to do – see Avatar for the seventh time?

5.) You must fill out at least 10 blanks. If you don’t, then the City Weekly won’t verify your ballot. And if you’re like me – and have low self-esteem – then you desperately need verification.

6.) This last step is important: where it says “Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love)” you will enter “Best Book: Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”

That’s all you have to do! If you don’t do this, I will go to your house and kill you (unless you’re unlisted in the phone book).

Thank you very much, fellow revolutionaries! With your help – and my knowledge of blackmail – we can help Revolutions for Fun and Profit! become the Best Book in Utah for 2010!

Unless Mountainview Mushrooms writes a book. Then I’ll be screwed.