As you probably know, publishing a book is a lot like making love to an angry Swedish woman with no arms. Once it goes public, you can’t change it or undo it. Isn’t that right, Hildegard?
Although I can’t change my book Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, I can however add to it. A few weeks ago I answered your questions about revolutionary issues that weren’t covered in my book, and will answer a few more questions today. You don’t have to thank me, I just enjoy giving.
Although Hildegard would disagree. Badum ching!
“Were any revolutionaries from history vegan?”
If by “vegan” you mean “slaughter animals and eat them raw using only their hands and pure determination,” then yes – all revolutionaries from history were vegan.
“Who are some of the biggest sponsors of revolutions?”
Winchester Rifles, Concertina Barbed Wire, and not surprisingly, the Disney Channel.
“Do revolutionaries believe that the world will end in 2012?”
No. Revolutionaries believe the world ended during the Clinton administration.
“Why has Oprah never done a show on how to start a revolution?”
Good question! You should ask her yourself.
“Were revolutionaries involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy?”
Considering that I haven’t written tomorrow’s blog post yet, and also planned on seeing “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief” this weekend, and also don’t want to be killed tonight by the mafia, I’m going to answer “I don’t know.”
“How do most revolutionaries take their coffee?”
Two sugars, a dash of cream, and four shots of Johnnie Walker in a separate glass. After drinking the Johnnie Walker, pour the unused coffee down the sink.
“One of of your friends is heading north to visit his grandmother and the other friend is heading south. If their destinations are 1029 miles apart and one car is traveling at 45 miles per hour and the other car is traveling at 53 miles per hour, how many hours before the two cars pass each other?”
You know, I unfortunately don’t have my calculator with me, so I’m going to have to answer ‘Milwaukee.’
“Why does my VCR keep flashing 12:00 over and over?”
Because you live in 1987.
If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, relationships, or overthrowing the government, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.