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Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: 300 Thread Count

March 9, 2010

Fellow revolutionaries: Believe it or not, I sometimes get busy. Not only do I get busy, but sometimes I even get lazy. And when I become busy and lazy, then the worst possible thing happens: orphans die I do not update this blog. Today, for Revolutionary Tip Tuesday, I am reposting an old blog post […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Using Books as Weapons

March 2, 2010

As I mentioned last week, today is National Reading Day, a day in which people across this great nation of ours decide, for one day only, to actually read Playboy for the articles. By the way, did you see last month’s issue of Playboy? There’s a great article on nuclear disarmament in the Middle East. […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Starting a Revolution on a Shoestring Budget

February 23, 2010

Fellow revolutionaries: Let’s be honest. Starting a revolution – like brain surgery, giving a bribe to a judge, or paying a cable bill – requires money. It isn’t cheap to overthrow the government, which is why Bill Gates is currently the King of the United States (Sarah Palin is coming after you in 2012, Bill!). […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: How to Marry a Revolutionary in 21 Days

February 9, 2010

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, according to a recent Gallup poll. If you’re already coupled with another person(s), then you only have five more days to buy your chocolate and flowers. If you’re not already coupled with another person(s), then you only have five more days to find someone to couple up with […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Groundhog Recipes for Groundhog Day

February 2, 2010

I know, I know. We’ve all been there. You’re plotting to overthrow the government or start some other type of revolution… everyone’s hungry… and you’ve just run out of food. WHAT DO YOU DO? Why not take advantage of the Earth’s most abundant shadow-watching meat nugget… GROUNDHOGS! Children may be our most valuable resource, but […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Diamonds Are a Multi-Purpose Death Tool

January 26, 2010

We’ve all heard the song “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend.” But do you know why diamonds are a girl’s best friend? Simple: they can be lodged into an orifice of the girl’s political enemy. Or they can be thrust into the eye socket. In fact, diamonds are so lethal that they are even a […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Cut Down on the Cost of Body Bags

January 19, 2010

Unfortunately, being a revolutionary means you may have to kill a few people. A revolution without bloodshed is like a cranberry bran muffin without cranberries – and honestly, who wants a plain bran muffin? Answer: nobody. Let’s say you just murdered a few people because they disagreed with your political beliefs, and/or thought Jay Leno […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: How to Get the Most Out of Your Bullets

January 12, 2010

As I mentioned last week, every Tuesday I will share with you – aspiring revolutionaries – a tip which will you will find helpful and waterproof. This week is “How to Get the Most Out of Your Bullets.” In just one word: butter. It’s been proven time after time (if you fall I will catch […]

Revolutionary Tip Tuesdays: Mercenaries are Home Deliverable

January 5, 2010

Fellow revolutionaries: After brainstorming new ideas for 2010 with my staff (i.e. a parrot, my gynecologist, a schizophrenic mortician with a wooden leg, and the ghost of Frank Sinatra), it was suggested that every Tuesday I offer a NEW revolutionary tip for all the budding revolutionaries out there in Revolutionary World (patent pending)! Therefore it […]