Revolutionary Book Signing at the Literary Luminaries Festival

Fellow revolutionaries:

Did you miss my book signing at Barnes & Noble last night? Don’t lie to me and say “no” or “what book signing;” the only person to make it to my book signing was an old man who asked me if I knew where Glenn Beck’s new book was located. Of course I don’t know where Glenn Beck’s book is located!! (But if I had to guess, I would say the ‘Politics & Society’ section!!)

So aside from learning that I would make a terrible Barnes & Noble employee, I also learned that I have certain demographics. If you enjoy LAUGHING, then you will enjoy my book. If you enjoy ASKING WHERE GLENN BECK’S BOOK IS LOCATED or COMING INTO THE STORE JUST TO USE THE RESTROOM, then you won’t enjoy my book (But if I had to guess, I would say the restrooms are located in the back of the store!!).

Don’t feel bad if you missed my book signing last night. No, seriously – this website has been responsible for more than it’s share of suicides. Another reason why you shouldn’t feel bad about missing my book signing last night: I’m doing another book signing tomorrow at the annual Literary Luminaries festival!

Meet the Author of Revolutions for Fun and Profit!
2009 Literary Luminaries Festival
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
10:00am-12:00pm

Salt Lake City Library
210 East 400 South
Salt Lake City, UT 84111

Revolutionaries, this is your SECOND chance this week to have me sign your book. If you miss out tomorrow, then it’s unlikely that there will be a third chance. But that’s only because some of you have a restraining order against me.

A Gay Revolutionary’s Response to Maine

This isn’t a political blog. Nor is it meant to be a personal blog. This blog exists for one reason and one reason only: to promote my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!. Readers of this blog should know that 99.7% of the posts here (or is it 99.8%?) are not to be taken seriously.

That having been said, I want to talk about something serious. I want to express my extreme disappointment that Proposition 1 in Maine passed yesterday. The passage of this proposition means that gay marriage in Maine will now be repealed – not unlike the situation in California the year before.

I’m extremely disheartened by this, because I strongly believe that everyone should have the right to get married, regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. I believe, because of the passage of Proposition 1, that action is needed more than ever. In fact, I believe that a REVOLUTION is needed. And you know what? I wrote the book on revolutions (available at Amazon.com for $15.29, plus shipping and handling).

I would be a hypocrite if I wrote about revolutions, but wasn’t willing to take revolutionary action myself. Therefore, in response to the passage of Proposition 1 in Maine, I am announcing the following:

• I am boycotting all lobster from Maine. I eat lobster about once a year, so Maine will definitely feel my impact on their economy.
• I will stop reading Stephen King novels. I don’t think I’ve ever read a Stephen King novel in my life, but he’s from Maine, so Maine will definitely feel my impact on their economy.
• I will post mean things about Maine on my Facebook and Twitter accounts. That’s right, my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I clearly mean business. Maine will probably also feel this impact on their economy. Probably.

If Maine strikes at my heart, then I will strike at Maine’s heart. This situation is not unlike that time when the homeless community boycotted caviar and champagne, in response to the wealthy citizens who voted for a panhandling ban. Those wealthy citizens sure learned their, lesson, didn’t they!

So, how are you responding to the passage of Proposition 1? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.

And if you happen to be an angry gay couple who can no longer be married in Maine, do not fret: I have provided you with some pictures of funny-looking straight couples. Take that, Maine! That will teach you to mess with gay revolutionaries!

No, I don’t know why most of these couples are Asian.