The Very Revolutionary Ending to a Revolutionary Blog

Fellow revolutionaries:

Yesterday I wrote that I am retiring this blog. I am taking this blog out to pasture, shooting it in the face, and putting it out of its misery. Revolutions for Fun and Profit! will celebrate its 1-year anniversary in October, and I have accomplished everything I wanted to do with both the book and the website.

I also wrote yesterday that I planned a surprise for all the revolutionaries out there, as my way of showing gratitude to the tremendous support I’ve received during the past year.

SURPRISE

Surprise #1: Revolutions for Fun and Profit! is now available to download to your iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad from Apple’s iBookstore.

Surprise #2: Revolutions for Fun and Profit! is totally and completely free.

Have you been waiting to buy Revolutions for Fun and Profit! because you’re a cheapskate and don’t like supporting independent local writers? I feel the exact same way. Well good news: you can now read the book that nobody is talking about… on your electronic device for free!

Unfortunately, Apple does not provide hyperlinks to individual books in its iBookstore, so you’ll have to follow these instructions to download your free book:

Step #1: Launch the iBookstore app from your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad.

Step #2: Once inside the iBookstore, press “search”

Step #3: Do a search for “revolutions for fun and profit.”

Step #4: Press “free” to begin downloading the book.

Step #5: Read the book over and over until you cry. (It won’t take long)

IMPORTANT NOTE

I submitted a perfectly formatted ebook to Apple, and for some reason, their dumb bookstore ‘broke’ the code and changed some of my formatting. I would like you to read a perfectly formatted ebook of Revolutions of Fun and Profit!, as nature intended.

If you would own a perfectly formatted book, simply click the Smashwords logo below to download the free .epub version of Revolutions for Fun and Profit!
You simply drag the .epub book (courtesy of Smashwords.com) into iTunes to read it on your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad. It’s quite easy.

KINDLE AND AMAZON

Revolutions for Fun and Profit! is also available for the Nook, as a free download as well. You can download the book on Nook by visiting this link. Unfortunately, I don’t own a Nook, so I haven’t the vaguest idea how that works.

Revolutions for Fun and Profit! still is NOT available for the Kindle, because Amazon takes like a billion years to approve ebooks, and they also hate America.

QUESTIONS

If you have any questions about downloading your free copy of Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, do not hesitate to email me at revolutionsforfunandprofit@gmail.com. I promise to respond to your email in a timely manner and/or ignore it completely.

IN CONCLUSION

If enough people download Revolutions for Fun and Profit! from Apple’s iBookstore, then we may be able to knock that pretentious Winnie-the-Pooh off his pretentious perch at the top of the “Top Free” list. He’s been sitting pretty for long enough.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for your support, and for joining me on this year long, revolutionary experiment. Writing and publishing Revolutions for Fun and Profit! was a tremendous adventure, and the support I received from friends, family, and strangers across the internet was overwhelmingly wonderful.

You’re the best revolutionaries a boy could ask for.

Revolutionarily yours,
RYAN SHATTUCK

A Very Revolutionary Surprise

Fellow revolutionaries:

It’s been about six months since I last updated this blog. I would apologize for giving up on this blog, if it weren’t for the fact that Rule #327 of Revolutions for Fun and Profit! clearly states that “Revolutionaries never apologize.” Sorry, but I don’t make the revolutionary rules.

Actually, I do make the revolutionary rules. I even wrote a book about the revolutionary rules. But that’s besides the point.

In a few weeks will be the 1-year anniversary of the release of my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!. It’s been a wild, revolutionary ride, and I have many several dozen both fans to thank for the overwhelming success I’ve experienced.

So to thank everyone for purchasing and supporting Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, tomorrow I will be announcing a very big revolutionary surprise. It’s my little way of showing my gratitude for all the support over the past year.

I’m also announcing that I plan on retiring this blog. I will leave this website open and active, but I’m going to cease updating this blog (something I already started doing in… um… March). I figure that everyone already has the tools required to start a revolution, and thus my advice is no longer required.

So check back tomorrow to learn what the big surprise is. I guarantee you’ll like it.*

*No I don’t.

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Che Guevara

1.) Che Guevara once saved a child who was choking on a pretzel by performing a last-minute tracheotomy with a sharper pretzel.

2.) Che Guevara’s birth name was Beelzebub de Jesus Diablo Cristo, but he decided to change his name because he didn’t want anyone to know he was Jewish.

3.) Che Guevara was Jewish.

4.) Che Guevara’s beard was organic and range-free.

5.) Che Guevara was a vegetarian because he loved the way vegetable blood felt on his teeth.

6.) The animated Disney film, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” was based on Che Guevara’s life.

7.) Che Guevara probably wasn’t Jewish.

8.) Che Guevara once stabbed someone who yelled “fire” in a crowded theater, only to later suffer form third-degree burns.

9.) Che Guevara won an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Tony during his lifetime, but he never won a Grammy, which is really embarrassing when you think about it.

10.) Che Guevara is one of the few people who looks decent in orange.

Answers to Your Revolutionary Questions, Now on Formsprings

Fellow revolutionaries:

There are very few things I enjoy more in this world than answering questions. With the exception of edamame. I enjoy edamame more than I enjoy answering questions. But if you don’t count edamame – and why would you? – then there is nothing I enjoy more in this world than answering questions.

So I’ve set up a Formsprings account for my book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!

Is there something you want to know about revolutions? Ask me on Formsprings and you’ll get your answer.

Is there something you want to know about overthrowing the government? Ask me on Formsprings and you’ll get your answer.

Is there something you want to know about relationships? Ask me on Formsprings and I’ll look up the answer on Wikipedia.

Is there something you want to know about brain surgery or rocket science? Ask me on Formsprings and I’ll consult a fortune cookie or flip a coin or something.

CLICK HERE TO ASK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY QUESTIONS ON FORMSPRINGS

Remembering Irish Writers for St. Patrick’s Day

I apologize there wasn’t a blog post yesterday. It was planning on being here, but it had to go pick up the kids from soccer practice.

Like many writers, I have an affinity for other authors. As the author behind the runaway bestseller, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, I understand the sacrifice, work, and alcoholism hard work that goes into writing a book.

As today is St. Patrick’s Day, I would like to take a moment to remember some of the important Irish writers who have influenced my writing:

Jonathan Swift

James Joyce

George Bernard Shaw

William Butler Yeats

Oscar Wilde

A Pit Bull? The Last Day to Nominate “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”

Uh oh! It’s a pit bull dressed as a lonely middle-aged man sitting in a park, watching his life waste away before his eyes! You know what that means!

It means that it’s the last day to nominate Revolutions for Fun and Profit! for the 2010 Best Book of Utah! Please follow these instructions, because I’m getting really tired of repeating myself:

• Visit the City Weekly’s website for Best of Utah 2010.

• When you get to the part that says Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love), you will write in Best Book: “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”.

The pit bull’s name, by the way, is Howard. Please don’t bother him. He’s going through a messy divorce at the moment.

Remembering the Sacrifices of Revolutionary Pies

Fellow revolutionaries:

Just a quick note today. I would like to remind all of you that tomorrow, 3.14, is Pi Day. This is a solemn day where we think about the sacrifices that pies have made for us throughout history.

If you’ll allow me, I’d like to take just a moment to remember the pies who passed away during this past year:

IN MEMORIAM

Coconut Pie, 1967-2010

Key Lime Pie, 1943-2010

Pumpkin Pie, 1951-2010

Rhubarb Pie, 1935-2010

Gross Quiche Pie, 1966-2010

Pecan/Garbage Pie, 1945-2010

Chart Pie, 1937-2010

Soldier on, fellow revolutionaries.

More Revolutionary Questions and Answers, 3rd Edition

Fellow revolutionaries:

Every few weeks, I like to answer your burning questions that weren’t answered (for legal reasons) in my runaway hit book, Revolutions for Fun and Profit!. Most of these questions are quite easy (i.e. “What is the square root of 9?”), but some of these questions are quite difficult and take a lot of time to determine the proper answer (i.e. “What is the square root of 25?”)

“When will revolutionaries finally bring about World War III?”
Either in 2017 or 2025, whichever comes first.

“Should revolutionaries get the Rachel haircut or the Monica haircut?”
Obviously the Rachel haircut. Nobody should get the Monica haircut, including revolutionaries. Or Courtney Cox.

“What is the most revolutionary movie of all time?”
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold

“Do you believe we will ever see jetpacks in our lifetime?”
That depends. In my lifetime? Probably. In your lifetime? No.

Now with that question out of the way, do you mind drinking the contents of this mysterious bottle labeled with a skull-and-crossbones?

“What is the average age of the modern revolutionary?”
While it’s hard to pinpoint a specific age, the average revolutionary is old enough to buy cigarettes, but is still young enough to audition for American Idol, while smoking.

“How much wood would a revolutionary woodchuck chuck if a revolutionary woodchuck could chuck wood?”
I’m gonna say 7. Maybe 8 if he hasn’t had lunch yet.

“Can coupons be used in a political coup d’état?”
Yes.

“Have you ever killed a man?”
If you don’t count pastry chefs, then no – I’ve never killed a man.

If you have a question you would like to ask about revolutions, life, relationships, or overthrowing the government, email me at revolutionsforfunandprofit@gmail.com.

The 11 Reasons Why “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!” Should Be the Best Book in Utah for 2010

Fellow revolutionaries:

There are only 4 more days to choose Revolutions for Fun and Profit! as the Best Book in Utah for 2010. I need… nay, I desire… nay, I really need for you to nominate my groundbreaking, revolutionary book.

To nominate my book, simply visit the City Weekly’s website for Best of Utah 2010, follow the instructions, and when you get to the part that says Best Your Choice (anything we left off that you love), you will write in Best Book: “Revolutions for Fun and Profit!”.

Now maybe you’re not convinced that my book deserves to be the Best Book in Utah for 2010. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be convinced (have you read the glowing reviews?!), but I’m willing to admit that you’re an independent, fence-sitting, swing-voting undecider. And just for good measure, I’m going to assume you’re also bisexual.

Do you need to be convinced that Revolutions for Fun and Profit! deserves to be the Best Book in Utah? Here are all the reasons why it should be nominated:

• My book is a good read.

• My book is recyclable.

• My book will sort your recyclables for you.

• My book was endorsed by the Dolly Lama. Which is the name of a drag queen. Who was paid fourteen bucks to endorse my book.

• My book always wears protection.

• My book was once bred with a labrador retriever, and it produced a labradoodle who didn’t know how to read.

• My book can name all 5 of the Spice Girls, all 7 of the dwarfs, and all 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

• My book is perfectly happy making minimum wage, will never ask for health benefits, and is happy just to be in this country.

• My book thinks Jay Leno is funny when old people are in the room, and thinks Conan O’Brien is funny when normal people are in the room.

• My book never runs with scissors, it never runs its mouth off, and a river runs through it.

And lastly:

• Gary Coleman hasn’t written a book yet.

If those reasons won’t convince you, then I give up.

There Is No Revolution Against Plastic

Look. I’ve seen a lot of revolutions in my life time. The American Revolution. The French Revolution. The Russian Revolution. The Cultural Revolution. The Sexual Revolution. The Homosexual Revolution. The Bi-sexual Revolution. The Bi-curious revolution. The Bicycle Revolution. The Cyclops Revolution. The One-Eyed Willy Revolution. The Goonies Revolution.

But one revolution that simply does not exist is the Plastic Revolution. And yet, there’s actually a company that naively believes it is revolting against plastic. According to its website:

“Plastic Revolutions is a full service plastic recycler located in a 300,000 square foot facility in scenic Reidsville, North Carolina. We recycle all forms and grades of plastic scrap, specializing in high molecular weight plastics, such as drums, IBC totes, sheet and other dunnage materials.”

What does this even mean?! I have no idea. And you probably don’t either. But the point is this: we all use plastic things everyday in our lives, and the mere notion of a company revolting against plastic is offensive.